I Do
by ShoePigeon
Summary: "People say that your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. I was never naive enough to think that that would be true but I didn't think that my wedding day would also be my last." Spin off from Haunting Hal. The story of Lady Jane Mawer. Hal, Mr Snow, Old Ones and original characters, some from Haunting Hal, will feature. Reviews very welcome.
1. The Death Of Lady Jane Mawer

**Yay! New story! So, this is Part 1 of the promised story of Lady Jane Mawer. Spin off from Haunting Hal, it's going to have some overlaps, so some parts might make more sense if you've read both.**

**I'm really excited about Jane. Her character has been evolving in my head over the past few months and I'm very pleased with it.**

**This is going to be another multi chaptered one, at the moment it is not quite as long as Haunting Hal but who knows, the way this story is evolving, it might be twice as long! (probably not)**

**This story begins 28 years before Haunting Hal, in 1591. I wont put dates on every chapter though because this one moves pretty quickly. **

**I don't own Being Human. **

**Enjoy x**

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**Part 1: The Death of Lady Jane Mawer**

"I do"

Looking back, now, at my life, my death, I can see that those were the words that started it all. They changed everything.

When He first showed an interest in me my parents thought they had struck gold. He had money, lands, a title, everything they could possibly hope for their daughter. I didn't care about any of that, I just wanted someone kind and when I met Him I thought I had got my wish. He was charming, handsome, not young but mature, He told interesting stories, He made me laugh, He seemed so kind.

People say that your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. I was never naive enough to think that that would be true but I didn't think that _my_ wedding day would also be my last. Or at least, my last, the way I was.

On my wedding night I was as nervous as any new bride. I remember, there was this mirror on the dresser in my room. It had this beautiful guilted frame. I remember looking into it at my reflection and thinking, "My childhood ends tonight, tomorrow I will be a woman." Of course I knew it would happen one day, I was seventeen, it was time to grow up, but that didn't make it any easier.

I remember being distracted from my thoughts by His hand on my shoulder which surprised me because I didn't see Him approach in the mirror and when I tried to turn around and check if He had a reflection, He stopped me.

He didn't look at my face, just my neck and as He led me over to the bed I had no idea that soon I would find out: He wasn't kind at all.

I would have to say that the scariest moment was not the wedding day, nor was it finding He had no reflection, or the rape, or seeing the terrifying change in His eyes and teeth, or the dying, it wasn't even the corridor. No, the scariest part, the moment that frightened me the most, was waking up, because, when I did so, I was alone. I was in my bed, well, the bed that was now mine but still felt like a stranger's, naked, covered in my own blood, cold and alone.

There was a deathly stillness around me, this pressing silence, that I had never felt before. It was like something was missing, a sound, one that had always been there, like a constant companion and now it was gone, I missed it.

I wasn't left to dwell on these thoughts for very long though. Something distracted me, something primal, the most basic need. I was hungry, really hungry, hungrier than I had ever felt in my life. I needed food. So I quickly found something to wear, dressed and crossed to the door. It was locked. I tried multiple times to get out but nothing worked, this made no sense, why would He lock me in? I went back to the bed and sat down.

And as I sat there, in the abnormal silence, I felt memories of the previous evening flood back to me. I screwed up my eyes, trying to get them to stop and, without thinking, I felt my hands rub my neck, at the exact point that His teeth had torn at it. That was when I realised what was missing. The sound, the constant companion, it was my heartbeat. I had no pulse. And that's when it hit me. I was dead. Dead. The words kept going round and round in my head, it was impossible, it couldn't be true, could it? I cried myself back to sleep that night.

I think it was the smell that hit me first, woke me from my restless doze. I had never smelt anything like it before, it called to me. My eyes snapped open and rolled around, looking for the source of the scent. I saw Him sitting at the end of my bed, I tried to get up but He wouldn't let me. He held a goblet to my mouth and told me to drink. I found it impossible to resist that smell. I drank, and drank, and drank. It was wonderful. I didn't know what the drink was but I had never felt anything like it before, I felt powerful, like I could do anything, like I could fly.

A few days later though, when He told me what it was, I threw up. Human blood. I had drunk _human_ blood. And that wasn't the worst part, the worst part was that I wanted to do it again, to feel that again. I tried to fight it, to refuse, really I did, but eventually the craving got to much and when He next offered me a goblet of blood, I was all too happy to accept.

However there was one thing that I vowed to myself that I would never do. I would never kill.

In the following weeks I was fully introduced to my husband's social circle. It turned out that vampires were not very rare at all, in fact, there were hundreds of them in London and as chance should have it, my husband just happened to be their leader. Apparently He was really old, one of the Old Ones, although that didn't mean anything to me at the time.

The vampires seemed very keen to welcome me in to their "family" as they called it. The _new_ Lady Lanrete, although I still felt like Lady Mawer at heart. I wondered how many had been before me, in this extremely long life of His.

He was surprisingly kind in public, even though He still visited my bed chamber every night, to the outside eye, we could be seen as the perfect couple, in love even. I could tell that the other vampire women envied me, they said I was lucky to be recruited by an Old One, for the position that gave me. I didn't feel lucky. I wanted to shout that at them, that I would willingly swap places but I was too scared. Too scared of Him.

Soon enough, His patience with me for not killing began to wear thin. There were times when He threatened me, when He forced me to a human's bleeding neck, when He hurt me, but I still wouldn't break my vow, I wouldn't kill. He hated that little bit of resistance inside of me, He wanted to crush it, to kill it. He wanted to own every single little part of me. I had no idea of His plan until it was too late.

I hadn't seen my sister in ages. Mary was four years older than me, got married two years before me, but her husband had died recently, too young, taken by illness. She was lucky, he was a good man, I think they actually might have been in love. My husband had been all to eager to invite Mary to stay with us for a while, get away from her home so she could grieve. I didn't see the danger. Looking back, I feel so stupid that I didn't see what was coming, I was just so happy to see her again.

The first few days went without hitch, she settled in perfectly and I think she really was getting over her grief, even though she still missed him greatly. I spent nearly all my time with her, He didn't even visit my bed chamber at night while she was there, I should have known then that something was going on.

Everyone was being so nice to her, the only human in the house, apart from those in the cellar that were kept for food. I wondered how she didn't notice something strange about the place, how we all seemed to flinch in the sunlight and drink some red coloured beverage, but she was too consumed in her grief. Neither of us saw it coming, not until we were both locked in the same room with minimal supplies of food and water and no chance of getting out.

"Why would he do this?" she asked, she must have asked it a hundred times while we were locked in that room and everytime I gave her the same answer.

"To teach me a lesson." He wanted me to break my vow, He wanted me to kill her, to teach me that it was futile to resist, that there was no way out, this was what I was now.

Yet, resist I did, or at least, tried to. After what I think was a week, the food ran out and Mary took to desperately yelling and beating on the door, grazing her knuckles in the process. And the smell. The blood.

I can still remember the look in her eyes. The shock, the fear, the pain and then: nothing, just emptiness.

I heard her door shut behind me, I didn't turn around, at the time I didn't know what it was. One of my biggest regrets is not turning around, not seeing her off, not explaining. But then again, what would I have said?

About an hour later He came into the room. Put His arm around me, kissed my head, my cheek, told me how proud He was of me, His princess. I was stunned, I don't think I could have said anything even if I tried.

And that was it. That was the moment that I gave up the last little bit I had left of myself. The moment I let Him own me, let Him destroy me. That was how Lady Jane Mawer died.

But don't go thinking that was the end.

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**So this chapter was pretty depressing, but it will get better. Promise.**

**I hope you enjoyed, reviews _very_ welcome.**

**Oh, and reason to come back: Part 2 is called 'Hal'**

**Thank you for reading x**


	2. Hal

**Apologies for the delay, RL and I had a touch of the writers block. Grrr.**

**This chapter, as promised, is about Hal.**

**Thanks to MissPinderx, camillavirgil, 0positiv, Paperclaire, brookesey, XxxPrettyxxxGirlxxX and Kate for the reviews.**

**Thanks to anyone who has added me to their author/story favorites/alerts.**

**I don't own Being Human. **

**Enjoy x**

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**Part 2: Hal**

July 1606. It was our fifteenth wedding anniversary. My husband threw a party, He wanted to keep up pretense. News of our wedding, of my recruitment had reached far and wide in the vampire community. To the outside world, we were the perfect couple, hopelessly in love, a romance that even death could not tear apart. A fairy tale. They envied us. They envied me. They didn't know the truth. They only saw what He wanted them to see. The truth was that fifteen years beforehand, I had died, and since that day I had been living in hell.

The party was an extravagant affair. Everything had to be perfect. To my husband, image and reputation were everything. He was all about showing off. His vast and expensive collection of paintings, statues, vases, the house, me. All trophies. He wanted to be seen to have found love and so His declaration of love, our anniversary party, had to impress everyone.

The finest chefs in the land had been brought in, master musicians had been recruited especially, plenty of blood, of course, and one of the country's most well known dog fight organisers had been summoned. Apparently he was very good, had a knack for spotting champions, those who would provide good entertainment, and he had brought two of those 'champions' with him. Both of them were in the cage that night.

I played the perfect wife, smiled, looked like I was enjoying myself for fear of what He would do if I did not. I had no stomach for dog fights. I had seen quite a few by that time, my husband enjoyed them, they never failed to make me feel sick. It wasn't just the transformation, which was always a grotesque spectacle, it was the fact that they always reminded me of the evil of what I had become, of my kind. Killing for food was fine, well, not fine but I comprehended it was a necessity, but _this, _this was not a necessity. Turning people who never asked to become these creatures, into even greater monsters than they already were, for nothing more than sport, I found that barbaric. Thank God I have a stronger stomach now.

Those were the thoughts that usually ran through my head on the night of a full moon, but that particular night I was granted something else to think about. The dog fight organiser, Sir Henry Yorke they had called him, hardly took his eyes off me the entire evening. He just sat there, with his recruit, drinking blood and _watching_ me.

The look he had, that predatory gaze mixed with something else that I couldn't quite name, it made me uneasy. Nobody looked at me like that, not anymore, not now that I was married, nobody dared. But Henry Yorke dared.

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Despite hating my husband, I did love some of the benefits that came with being married to Him. Namely, the house, the grounds, the library. In the grounds there was this lake, the water was always perfectly still, no birds, no fish, my husband didn't like wildlife. Beside the lake, the side furthest from the house, there was a huge weeping willow, its branches always fluttered so delicately in the breeze. On a good summers day, when the sun was at its peak, the light would reflect perfectly off the lake's surface, the water would shine like molten gold. I loved that view.

My husband would rarely leave me on my own, even when He was busy, one of His employees was always on my back, making sure I didn't get up to anything. Occasionally though, I managed to give them the slip and got some time to myself. The day after the dog fight was one of those occasions.

It was gone noon and my husband was still in bed. He had overindulged the previous evening and was suffering for it. So, I decided to take a book and sit by the lake. The sun was bright, as it often, irritatingly, tends to be, so I took my favourite spot, in the shade of the willow tree, and looked out across the landscape I loved, that belonged to the man I hated.

"Beautiful view." I remember my dead heart nearly started again when I heard his voice behind me.

"Mr. Yorke. You startled me."

"Actually, it's _Sir_ Henry" he said looking a little bit annoyed "but you can call me Hal."

"My apologies." I replied. He was watching me, with that same look he had had at the dog fight. I realised that this was the first time I had been alone with a man, other than my husband, in fifteen years. I tried to make nervous small talk. "You're right, it is a beautiful view."

"I wasn't talking about the lake." He said, moving a little closer, a smile playing on his lips. I felt myself blush. I composed myself and stood up, realising that he was now very close.

"Sir Henry, you do realise that I'm married." I said, a little nervously. It was not myself I was nervous for, it was him. God only knows what my husband would do if He found out about this. I took a step back but Hal stepped simultaneously towards me.

"I organised the entertainment for your anniversary, of course I know you're married, but that doesn't stop me looking."

"It stops most people." I said, still moving back.

"Then they are fools, or blind to ignore such beauty." My back hit the trunk of the willow.

"Sir Henry, are you trying to seduce me?" I asked, with as much confidence as I could muster. I knew what he was doing, and why. I had finally put a name to the look that he had in his eye. It was ambition.

"That depends, is it working?" He asked, leaning closer.

"No." I said, pushing past him and putting a good few yards distance between us.

"Pity." Hal sighed and turned to leave before glancing back. "Your husband's a very lucky man, you must love him very much to remain so faithful."

I remember watching him walk back to the house and realising that no one had ever spoken to me like that before. With my husband I was an object, a neck, but with Hal it was like I was actually there. It didn't matter that he was doing it for selfish reasons, he saw me, it was about me. I was letting my one chance of having the fairy tale that everyone thought I had just walk away.

"Hal, wait." I called. He spun around, that crooked, arrogant smile on his face. He'd expected me to call him back.

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It was sunset. I was shivering. I struggled to put my dress back on whilst keeping one hand clamped firmly around my neck, trying to stop the blood flow, waiting for it to heal. I felt miserable. No matter what had happened before, it had still ended the same way as it did with my husband: me having my throat ripped out. There was no such thing as a fairy tale, not for creatures such as I.

I struggled for a while, one-handedly, with the lacing on the back of my gown before I felt Hal's hands takeover. My now free hand joined the other at my neck. Hal noticed.

"I'm sorry. Beautiful women tend to do that to me." An apology? This was new, it still didn't excuse him though.

"It's fine." I murmured. "I'm used to it."

Hal paused in the act of lacing up my gown, a confused look crossed his handsome features. "Used to it? Surely Lord Lanrete doesn't… but I thought-"

"You thought he loved me." I finished. "You thought that we had a fairy tale relationship, that, somehow, I was the power behind the throne and that by sleeping with me you could sneak your way to the top." I had known from the beginning, since I had seen the ambition in his eyes, it was quite funny really. "My apologies, Hal, but you are sadly mistaken. To my husband, I am nothing but a possession, an object, a trophy, something to look pretty and to parade in front of people that He wants to impress. I have no more influence in this place than that lake."

Hal's face was a picture, you could almost see the cogs turning. "You used me." he said, finally.

"Isn't that what you were going to do to me?" I got up, picked up my book and went to make my way back towards the house, hoping that my absence had gone unnoticed, when suddenly an idea came to me.

"Oh, Hal" I said, turning around, copying his previously used arrogant smile onto my own face. "About me being a possession, well, my husband doesn't like other people touching His things. It would be... catastrophic for you if he ever found out about this."

There it was. Blackmail. At the time I couldn't believe that I had actually had the courage to do it. I can still remember the mixture of surprise, anger and fear that flooded Hal's face. I didn't feel sorry for him, he'd got what he deserved. For the first time in my life, I had just a tiny bit of power. I didn't know what to do with it yet but it was a taste. And it felt good.

Sometimes I regret what I did that day more than any other.

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**Thanks for reading, hopefully the next chapter will be up sooner.**

***Puts tea towel on head and performs Annie and Regus type ceremony to ward off writers block* **

**"For wise he is but can he seldom know, Caecillius est in horto, Carpe diem, veni, vidi, vichi, et tu Brutae, Dolchae Gobanae, for thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever, Amen!"**

**Reviews very welcome :)**


	3. The Good Part

**Hello everyone! Long time, no write! :( Sorry about that, I have been very busy in RL and somewhat lost my flow. ****Massive thank you to Funsoup who helped me get it back with her amazing reviews on Haunting Hal! **

**So, now I've got my flow back, I found it a little difficult to turn off and have therefore given you a pretty long chapter today, hopefully it will make up for the lack of one for so long.**

**This chapter had a LOT of crossing over with Haunting Hal. Its not so much that you have to read Haunting Hal to understand it but some parts of this chapter, you will already have known about. (there is even one scene that you have already read, from someone else's POV, i sneaked it into Haunting Hal, I wonder if anyone can spot where it is?)**

**Thanks to 0positiv, CamillaVirgil, MissPinderx, Brookesey, Paperclaire and Funsoup for the reviews.**

**Thanks to anyone who has added me to their author/story favorites/alerts.**

**I don't own Being Human.**

**Enjoy x**

**UPDATE: Thanks to a suggestion from CamillaVirgil I have decided to put links to any corresponding 'Haunting Hal' chapters at the end of chapters of 'I Do; that have any crossing over.**

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**Part 3: The Good Part.**

I do believe that I am actually rather enjoying this now, recounting my past. At first I thought it would just give me something else to think about, give me a distraction, but now it appears to be becoming rather fun. I would be the first to admit that my past hasn't exactly been what you would call happy but amongst the bad times there are a few gems, beautiful moments that I will treasure always and the greatest of them all was just about to happen.

The 7th of October 1609. I don't know what it was that made me finally snap, the day went just like any other. I don't think anyone could have seen it coming, I certainly didn't, I'm glad it did though.

My husband was having a leisurely evening drinking and playing cards with some of His friends: recruits and advisors who were all just after a bit of His power, He didn't have any real friends. I was playing my part, as always, perched on His lap, looking pretty and trying desperately to ignore His wandering hands.

As the evening progressed the party (and myself) got steadily more and more drunk. My husband had won every game, His friends weren't going to let Him lose and the more He won, the more He drunk and the more He drunk, the more His hands wandered and the more they wandered, the more I had to drink to ignore it. It was a relief, if not altogether a surprise when the decanters finally ran dry and I was sent down to the cellar to fill them up again. He liked doing that. It was technically a servants job but He always had me do it. In order to fill up the decanters I would have to kill and it was like a constant reminder that He had won.

With surprisingly good balance, given the state that I was in, I made my way, carrying the decanters and the small silver knife that was used for such purposes, down to the cellar.

The cellar was split into two parts, there was the larger part, where the humans were kept and a smaller room branching off (so that you had to walk through the human room to get to it) that played home to the werewolves. The room hadn't always been there but since Hal and his recruit had moved in, my husband had decided that it was a necessity.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention, Hal had remained in London after the anniversary party. My husband had been very impressed with the dog fight and had decided he wanted one every month. Hal's first attempt at gaining power quickly had failed but he was resourceful and, slowly but surely, he was working his way up. We didn't speak of the incident under the willow tree. He was still completely mortified that a woman had got the better of him and I was still pondering what to use my newfound power for. He was doing everything in his power to make sure that I didn't have the chance to think of something. He would never allow himself to be alone with me, and on those moments when he was forced to be in the same room, he would never make eye contact. It was like he was afraid of me, afraid of someone having power over him. It was hilarious and made bumping into him in the human cellar that night a very strange experience indeed.

I had just stepped into the room and was just squinting around in the dim light looking for my… victim, when the door to the werewolf room opened and Hal appeared. He didn't notice me at first, he was busy making sure that the door to the werewolf room was securely locked. Only he had the key, he didn't trust anyone else, they might try and fix the fights and he couldn't have that, it would spoil his reputation. It did mean, however, that _he_ had to make sure that the werewolves were fed and ready for the next full moon.

The look on his face when he span around and saw me was truly something. He composed himself quickly, although I could tell that he was looking for an escape, an escape that he wasn't going to get without talking to me because I had positioned myself, rather cunningly, between him and the exit.

"Lady Lanrete, what are you doing down here?"

"They've run out of drinks upstairs." I replied holding up the decanters and knife.

"Oh, I trust you are enjoying yourself?"

"They are."

"Well, I wouldn't want to deny them their drinks any longer, if you would excuse me."

I let him pass, only because I couldn't think of anything else to say to detain him further and I knew that my husband would be impatient. I placed the decanters on the floor, picked a victim at random and began to approach them. But then a thought entered my head. A thought that had come completely out of nowhere. A wonderful, terrifying thought.

I dashed towards the exit and called after Hal. At first he tried to ignore me but after I had called him four times, he couldn't pretend any longer.

"My Lady?" He said, turning around and trying to pretend that it was the first time he had heard me.

"Might I ask a favour?" I asked.

"Of course." He said, but his smile tightened, he was dreading what I was about to say.

"May I borrow your keys?"

"My keys?"

"Yes, the ones to the werewolf cell."

He laughed, then realised that I was serious. "I'm sorry, My Lady, I can't."

"Oh, that's quite alright. I'll just go and get the drinks and take them upstairs then. I'll probably have a few more myself. Though I do tend to talk a considerable amount when I have been drinking, God only knows what might slip out."

Any trace of laughter then vanished from his face. He stared at me for a moment, trying to figure out if I was bluffing or not. My face remained firm, I really did enjoy myself that night and he knew it, and hated me for it. When he spoke, it was with a sort of… resignation to his voice.

"Alright but I don't want to know what you want them for, I want no part of it, if anyone asks, you stole them, is that clear?"

"Crystal." I replied, holding out my hand for the keys.

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My hands shook as I carried the decanters back up the stairs. It was partially due to the fact that they were so much heavier now that they were full, partially due to nerves and partially because my hands and arms really, really hurt at that particular moment in time.

When I re-entered the room, my husband asked me what had taken me so long, I told him that I was cold and had gone to put on my gloves, a rather well thought up lie, if I do say so myself. The gloves were a necessity but not because I was cold.

I poured the drinks and he pulled me back onto his lap.

And I waited.

And then it happened.

Almost simultaneously, my husband and his friends poured the blood down their greedy throats and burned from the inside out.

I had known for a while that werewolf blood was toxic to my kind but it was somewhat of a whispered rumor, I had never seen any proof of it, not until I felt my arms burn as a plunged the silver knife into the heart of one of the werewolves in the cellar, and collected his blood in a decanter. The scars never did heal, I always wore elbow length gloves from that day on. I still do.

I can still remember the feeling of the dust and smoke that was formerly my husband, clogging up my lungs. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world.

I did regret killing the werewolf, but it was a necessity. There were two of them down there, one, the one that I killed was Hal's champion, a strong middle aged man, probably a farm laborer. The other was a woman, sad looking, about mid-thirties, the same age as me. I told them what I wanted to do, the champion volunteered. He had spent so long in Hal's service, I think he had had enough. I let the woman escape.

Eventually, all the smoke in the room became too much so I made my way out into the corridor, shutting the door behind me and there I fell to my knees as a giddy fit of hysterics washed over me. My whole body shook and tears fell from my eyes, my head bowed and my hair falling down over my face. My arms were in agony but I didn't care. I felt numb, it was like a dream. I had just killed my husband. I didn't know what to do first.

"My Lady?" It was Hal, I didn't look up at him, I don't think I could have kept a straight face if I did. My shoulders were shaking, my breathing unsteady. "My Lady, are you alright?" He thought I was crying, that thought made me laugh even more. "My Lady?" He walked around me, towards the room that I had just left. I wasn't going to wait for his questions, I couldn't think properly, there was just one thought going round and round in my head: He was gone.

I made my way back to my room, a little more sober now, barely hearing Hal's shout of surprise behind me. I remember catching my reflection, or lack of, in the mirror, on my dresser. I had always kept it. It was a reminder, of what I was, of the last time I had ever seen myself, before all of this. I felt the same as I did back then, eighteen years ago, thinking about the end of an era. Before I died, my life was a certainty. I would get married, have children and die. I knew my future. Then I got married. It wasn't exactly what I had expected, I didn't get the children or the death but my future was still vaguely certain, it was dictated by my husband, I… I didn't have to think about it for myself, my future was whatever He wanted it to be. But, at that particular moment in time, just after He died, on the best day of my life, for the first time ever, I had no idea what I was going to do next.

"LADY LANRETE!?" It was Hal again, I knew that I was going to have to face him sooner or later. I took a deep breath and prepared myself to explain. I still felt numb. He burst through the door, he was out of breath, his eyes were wide, his face pale. "W-what just happened?" Was all he could say.

"What do you think?" In light of everything, I'm surprised I still managed to keep my sense of humor.

"Lord Lanrete, is he-?"

"He's gone." There. I said it. Out loud. It was true. I couldn't stop a ghost of my previous hysterics escaping from my mouth.

Hal merely nodded, I think he was still having difficulty believing it. "Did you do it?" He asked. I nodded. "How?"

"It's a secret." I replied. I felt the same power that I had felt after I had deceived Hal under the willow tree. He was scared of me, I could see it in his face. The full truth of what I had done finally hit me. I hadn't just killed my husband, I had killed my maker, an Old One. No one did that, no one dared. I felt… well, if I'm honest, I felt proud, like a bit of a legend.

"So what happens now?" Hal asked. And it wasn't until I was asked the question, that I knew the answer.

"I have to leave." I said quietly. That place had been my home for so long, my home and my prison. True, I did love the house but at that particular moment in time, I needed to get away. I was free, for the first time in my life, I had a chance to really live.

"You can't just go." Hal's words cut into my thoughts like a knife. "What about the house, the money, the lands, London? You are Lord Lanrete's heir, it's all yours now." He couldn't hide the bitterness in his voice. Hal's words had hit home. I hadn't thought about it, but yes, it was mine now, everything He had, all mine. The problem was, I didn't want it. I couldn't lead London, I would be no good at it and how could I be free if I was tied down with so much responsibility? Then, as if by magic, a solution presented itself.

"You have it." I said. Hal merely stared at me, open mouthed.

"What?"

"Well, not the house, and the money and the lands, I would quite like to keep those but, London, it's yours."

"You're giving me London?"

"Isn't that what you wanted? Power?"

"Yes but-"

"Then what is the problem? London needs someone to take control and I don't want to be that person. You do and you would probably be a hell of a lot better at it than me. End of conversation." I turned towards the door, picking up my rather considerably sized jewelry box on the way out.

"What are you going to do?" Hal asked and the answer was there, just like before.

"I'm going to live."

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**So there we go! Now that evil Lord Lanrete is dead, the story can really begin!**

**Hope you enjoyed, reviews _very_ welcome :) x**

**UPDATE: So there is one crossover scene in this chapter and it corresponds with the beginning of Chapter 11: 'Bet' of 'Haunting Hal'**

** s/8040233/12/Haunting_Hal**


	4. Becoming Human

**Hi everyone. Firstly I would like to apologise for the unacceptable amount of time that it took for me to write this chapter. I have no excuse really, it should have been up sooner. I shan't make any promises for when the next chapter should be up because I know I won't keep them but I haven't forgotten this story and am determined to finish it (I'm very proud of the ending).**

**This chapter is very long so hopefully that will make up for the delay.**

**Thanks to Paperclaire, XxxPrettyxxxGirlxxX, make-mine-a-kiaora, camillavirgil, funsoup, 0positiv, MissPinderx for the reviews.**

**Thanks to anyone who has added me to their author/story favorites/alerts.**

**I don't own Being Human.**

**Enjoy x**

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**Part 4: Becoming Human**

It's funny. When I was in my room, giving Hal London, everything seemed so clear, I was going to live. It was a simple as that. It wasn't until I was standing outside in the cold of early morning, that the true severity of my situation hit me. Whereas before I had been so keen to get out there, to live, in the aftermath, I was standing outside in the cold with nowhere to go. "I'm going to live" what the hell did that mean? I had never had a chance to live before, I had no idea how to go about it now. It was too late to go back inside, to change my mind, I couldn't do that, not after everything I had just said to Hal. No. I had to move forward but first I had to find somewhere to stay.

There were a few upper class hotels in London that I had heard my husband mention before but they were mainly vampire run and I had decided that fulfilling my goal of living would be somewhat hindered by mixing with the dead.

Eventually, after much wandering around London (mostly in the wrong direction because I had hardly left the grounds in the eighteen years prior) and many a strange glance drawn by my expensive attire, I managed to find a decent place to stay.

My jewelry, as it turned out, was worth rather a lot, but then I suppose that it was only the best for my husband's prized trophy. It did make matters a lot easier, two broaches paid for my room for several weeks. I did spend quite a considerable amount on gowns though, and a few new pairs of gloves, as it seems, I had discovered a new passion for shopping.

I was beginning to think that living wouldn't be so difficult after all. I had forgotten, of course, one very important thing: living ment being in the real world, being in the real world ment being around humans and being around humans ment being around blood. And I had never been around so many humans before, at least, not since I started craving the very thing that kept them alive. As the excitement of killing my husband and running away began to fade, as did my distractions. And the thing that I had been repressing, my hunger, began to surface.

It was a mistake. A momentary blip. That just happened to occur more than once. Or twice. Or quite a few times. Oh God, what am I doing! It happened how long ago? And I'm still trying to make excuses? No, I can't. I… I'm… in recounting my past I am also facing it, facing up to everything. I think - I - I don't know, maybe it was fueled by what I did to my husband, I wanted that feeling again, the power, perhaps all the freedom had gone to my head. I felt terrible afterwards. I wanted to make it stop, to just end it, I even stood, one night, in an ally with a broken tree branch pressed against my chest. But I couldn't do it. You see, if I had then He would have won. It would have proved that I couldn't exist without Him, He would finally have succeeded in killing me. Even as a pile of dust, He was still controlling me.

I had to keep moving, I didn't want to get associated with dead bodies showing up all over the place. Although there were no stories going around so I'm assuming that Hal was doing his job well and clearing up after me. Eventually, London ran out of expensive hotels so I had to look a little harder to find somewhere half decent but then, when I did, _it _would happen again and I would have to go elsewhere. Also my funds were running low so my definition of what I classed as 'half decent' had to drop, until I found myself outside a rundown little inn. I can remember thinking 'What had I come to?' perhaps I would be better off if He was still - no, no I never thought that.

A little bell above the door jingled as I stepped inside. It wasn't so bad as I thought it was going to be. Yes, it was not as extravagant as I was used to but it was clean and well cared for and it looked loved.

I felt a tug on the hem of my skirt and looked down to see a pair of big blue eyes gazing up at me. They belonged to the most gorgeous little girl you have ever seen. She had freckles on her nose and a head full of beautiful golden ringlets and the sweetest little smile. She gave me a little bundle of flowers and I knew, in that instant that I could _not _stay there.

"Emma? Em where are you? Em, how many times do I have to tell you not to pester the customers?"

I looked up into the face of the little girl's mother. No, I could definitely not stay there.

"Em, come here right this instant. _You._ You stay away from my daughter."

It was the werewolf, the one from the cellar, the one that I let go, the one that saw me plunge a knife into a man's heart and collect his blood in a decanter.

"What do you want? If you think you're going to drag me back to that place then-"

I didn't know what to say. The woman was terrified, she was hiding her rather confused looking daughter behind her, shielding her from me. I wanted to say or do something to make it better but I couldn't formulate a sentence. She had every right to feel this way, she saw the monster in me.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here, I'm sorry." The bell jingled again on my way out.

And I was on the move again, off to another inn in another part of town, where I could try not to kill anyone but then fail and then have to leave again and again and again. A vicious cycle. One that would go on forever.

The bell jingled again. I turned around. There stood the werewolf. Her demeanor had changed. Her eyes were still filled with blatant distrust but she wasn't as frightened, she looked more confused.

"If you didn't know that _I_ was here," she said cautiously "then why are you?"

"Believe it or not, I wanted a room." I replied, holding up my purse.

The werewolf laughed. "What about the big, glorious manor house that you just inherited? Or did your plan not work?"

"Oh, it worked, perfectly actually. I just needed to get away for a while." An uncomfortable silence fell between us as the memory of what happened in the cellar played out in both our minds.

"What… what would have happened to me if you hadn't - if I was still there?" The question caught me off guard, I think it did so for her too, but it was valid, she deserved an explanation.

"Well, come full moon, you would have been put in a cage with either the other werewolf, or a human."

"Kill or be killed."

"That's how it works."

"Why?" That was the same question I asked myself everytime I was forced to watch a dog fight.

"For sport. My kind can be barbaric at the best of times. I don't agree with it."

"In which case, thank you." She said. I wasn't expecting that, especially after how frightened she had been earlier. It made me feel better about myself, like perhaps I wasn't so much of a monster after all.

"I'm sorry about Em being a nuisance just now, I keep telling her." The werewolf changed the subject, I jumped on the chance to have a normal conversation with someone, I couldn't remember the last time I had done that.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine. How old is she?"

"She's eight."

"She's beautiful, I always wanted a daughter." I hadn't realised it until I saw Em but I really hated the fact that I could no longer have children, just another thing to add to the list of reasons I hated my husband. "So you're married then?"

"Yes."

"Happily?"

"Yes."

"That must be nice." And then the silence fell again, I remembered why I was standing outside, why I couldn't stay there. "I should go."

"Go? But I thought you wanted a room?"

"I'll find somewhere else."

"Look, I apologise for my behaviour earlier, I was just a little startled to see you, that's all."

"No, it's not that, it's just, if I stay here then I'm going to kill someone."

"Because you're a-"

"Vampire? Yes. And I'm going to need to feed soon."

"But you can't kill me," the werewolf laughed "my blood is poison to you."

"But your daughter's isn't."

All laughter faded from her face. "You wouldn't."

"I don't know. I really don't know."

"It really has that big a hold over you?" She asked. I nodded. Yes it does and it was always going to be there. "Then surely it doesn't matter where you go, you'll still hurt people." She was right.

"I'm trying, I really am, I know that if I can only manage to stay dry for long enough then… but the temptation, it's too much, I can't help myself."

"What if you had someone to help you, to stop you?"

I shook my head "It wouldn't work, I'd kill them."

"Not if, in doing so, you would be killing yourself."

"What do you...?" At first I didn't know what she was suggesting, and then it clicked. "Why would you do that for me?"

"Well, you did save my life."

* * *

I stayed there for a year. A year in that rundown little inn. It was a good year. Looking back, actually I would say that some of the best days of my life were spent there with that family. I just wish that I had recognised it at the time, I wish I had appreciated them, appreciated everything they had done for me, realised that I was happy. But I didn't.

I'm not going to say it was easy, far from it. I spent the first seven months locked in my room, and to tell the truth it was horrible. I can still recall the first day I got locked in. I was shaking, I was terrified, especially when I saw the room that had been prepared for me. The windows were boarded up, there were ropes on the bed, they were my idea, I didn't know if they would be needed but I thought it would be best to be prepared. As it turned out, we did need them.

Before I went in, Rebecca (that was the name of the werewolf) asked me what was the longest time I had ever gone without blood for. I had to think about it. A week. That was the longest. Just a week. And that had been bad enough, I was about to try and stay dry forever. Rebecca asked me what had happened after that week, when I started feeding again, I don't think she quite knew what to think when I told her that I killed my sister.

I couldn't have done it without Rebecca, she really looked after me even when it was humiliating. She kept me fed, cleaned up any mess, had to put up with me threatening and cursing her. I didn't mean any of it but I was going through hell. We had slip ups, and accidents and moments where I nearly failed, nearly lost everything I'd worked for, but all through it that little family kept me going, they kept me sane.

Rebecca was good company, we talked a lot. We were the same age, you see, give or take a year or two. It was like, she was who I could have been if I married someone different. Although I'd have had a better social standing of course.

David was her husband. He was a good man. He looked after the business and provided for everyone and most importantly he loved his wife and he loved his daughter. He'd do anything for them and they would do anything for him.

Then there was Em. She was like a little ray of sunshine at the end of a very long and dark tunnel. Of course, Rebecca would not let her anywhere near me for those first seven months but she would draw me pictures and send me get well messages and I always had one of her adorable little bunches of flowers by my bedside.

Something that surprised me was the level of honesty they had with each other. They all knew. What I was, what Rebecca was, everything. And they just accepted it, they got by. Once a month Rebecca would go down to the cellar to transform and the next morning it was like nothing had happened, everything was normal again.

After those seven months, we felt it was safe enough for me to go downstairs, to be around humans. We took our time, did it in little steps. I started to spend more time around the customers and the more I did, the better I felt about myself, the more confident I became. I wasn't just a random mysterious guest in one of the rooms that nobody ever saw, I was a full time paying resident. Of course I paid, I gave them everything I had left from the sale of my jewelry, and that was more than enough to cover my keep. They didn't want to accept it but I was insistent, I wasn't going to be in anyones debt.

Then, finally, came the day where I stepped outside the building for the first time in a year. Rebecca was going to the market and it was suggested that I go with her. At first I thought that such a sheer number of heartbeats all around me would be overwhelming, that I would pounce on someone straight away, that there would be a massacre. But there wasn't. I controlled myself.

When we got back there was a little surprise party waiting for me. Em had decorated the room and David had brought out the drinks, alcohol only, none of the strong stuff. And there were jokes and there were games and there was laughter and it was fun. But then I had to go and screw it up, didn't I?

"Speech!" They called. "Speech!" We were all a little tipsy (well, except Em, no alcohol for her) and after much encouragement, I struggled to my feet.

"I can't believe it, I really can't believe it." I started. "Two years ago I would not have even thought this possible but look at me now. I'm a widow, I've been dry for a year, I can control myself around people, I'm free. And it's all thanks to you three. It's not been easy, in fact it's been very difficult but now I know I'm safe, and I'll always be grateful to you for that." They cheered. "And now I can finally go home." And then the cheering stopped.

"Home?" Asked Rebecca.

"Well, yes. I left so I could find myself, get freed from the shackles that my husband put me in and I've done that now."

"But you don't have to go."

"I've got an estate and a fortune waiting for me, why would I stay here?"

"No. Of course not." She replied sarcastically. "Why would you?"

I left the next morning.

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**I had to cut it there or it would have gone on forever.**

**So, a lot happening in this chapter, I hope you enjoyed.**

**Reviews _very_ welcome. **


	5. Visitors

**Hello Peoples! I am Chicka Chicka back! I've had a bit of a writing boost and written three new chapters! I wont put them out all at once though. Im determined to get this story wrapped up by the start of series 5 or I just know it won't get finnished. (I shall be spending too much time looking at Hal in uniform.)**

**Huge thank you to MissPinderx, Brookesey, StephZino, Kate, camillavirgil, XxxPrettyxxxGirlxxX and Saemay for the reviews.**

**Thanks to any one who has added me as their story/author alert/favourite**

**I do not own being human.**

**Hope you enjoy :)**

**P.S. Guess who's back...**

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**Part 5: Visitors**

"Be careful! Don't drop that, it's several centuries old!"

I'd been back at the house, my house, for a month. I hadn't killed anyone in thirteen months, this 'living' thing was going well. I'd been very busy in that month, when I got back to the house it was, to be frank, a tip. Dust everywhere. I think Hal had taken me to my word, I had told him I wanted to keep the house and the money so he'd cleared out, moved on to run the city from somewhere else.

So, when I got back, my first call of duty was to find myself some staff, some people who could clear the place up and get it working. I decided to keep with the 'living' theme and employed a staff made entirely of humans, not a member of the undead in sight, apart from myself. I knew I could control myself. Well, sort of. I hadn't had any mishaps for a very long time so I was pretty confident that I wouldn't hurt anyone. I also made them all wear crucifixes, they didn't know why, they just thought I was really religious or something. I must have come across very strange to them with all the blacked out windows and no mirrors but, I was paying them a fair wage so they couldn't complain.

So, it was the month after I had returned and I was redecorating, well, supervising the redecorating. There were lots of paintings of my husband adorning the walls, I'm being quite literal when I say that there were hundreds of them. I was having them moved into the cellar, I didn't want to look at them. Of course, when all the paintings had gone the rooms looked rather empty so I was having everything rearranged. I was just standing, in the middle of the room telling my servants were to put things, I was brilliant, in fact I was having a jolly good time. Then my doorman came in with an announcement.

"My Lady, there is a visitor by the name of Sir Henry Yorke to see you."

Well, that was a surprise.

"Lady Lanrete." He said with a little bow when he entered the room. He looked different. His posture was a little straighter, his clothes a little more expensive but there was something off about him. His smile was just a little too tight.

"I'm Lady Jane Mawer" I corrected him "I always have been and I always will be. But I think we know each other well enough to dispense with the formalities don't you think Hal?"

He frowned but then smiled. "Jane" he said, taking my hand and bushing his lips across the back of it. It wasn't a friendly gesture, it seemed forced, it was a facade. You know, looking back now, I think he always hated me. From the moment his little plan backfired under the willow tree, the moment I had that little bit of power over him. Then, when I gave him London he hated me even more because from then on he was in my debt. Add to that the fact that he was scared of me because I had killed my maker and an Old One, I think it's hardly surprising the way things turned out. The only surprising thing is that I didn't see it coming. But I'm getting side tracked here, where was I? Oh, yes, Hal had come to visit me.

I decided that to play along with this completely amicable meeting of old friends I should ask him how he was doing.

"I'm perfectly fine thank you." He replied. "London's running very smoothly" He added, a little too quickly.

"I'm glad." I said.

"How have you been?" He asked with that crooked smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Well." I said. "Better than well actually, I'm… happy."

Silence fell between us. I wondered how long it would take for him to get onto the real reason for his visit. Hal was watching my servants move furniture around. A frown creased his face.

"You do realise that all of your staff are human?" He said, turning to me.

"Yes, I've decided that from now on that I am no longer mixing with vampires."

"You _are_ a vampire."

"Actually, I think that rather depends on your definition of the word." I said with a smirk, rather proud of myself. Hal looked confused so I elaborated. "If you class a vampire as an undead creature with black eyes and fangs then yes, I suppose I am a vampire, however if you class a vampire as someone who drinks blood then I have to say that I no longer fit that criteria."

"You're clean?" He asked with a laugh and a look of utter disbelief on his face, like a vampire not drinking blood was the most ridiculous thing in the world "No, no I don't believe you, this is some sort of trick, so that I let my guard down and then..." He stopped, he had been about to let something slip. Was it the real reason he was here?

"And then _what_?" I asked, Hal didn't reply. And then I realised "You think I want London back don't you? You think that now I've got my head straight, I've come back to take what's rightfully mine."

"You could try." He said, meeting my gaze and drawing himself up to his full height. I couldn't stop myself from smiling, he was really scared of me.

"Hal, nothing has changed in the last year, I still don't want London, you can keep it."

"I don't believe you." He said. I laughed, how paranoid could he get?

"Fine, believe me, don't believe me, I don't care. What I do care about on the other hand is that I have made the decision that I want as normal a life as I can get, meaning I no longer want to be around vampires, including you." He narrowed his eyes at me, trying to see some non existent trickery in my words.

"Alright, I'll stay away from you if you stay away from me."

"Deal." I smiled.

"Lady La- Mawer." He said with a nod of his head.

"Sir Henry." I said, copying the gesture.

* * *

After Hal left nothing really significant happened for the next three years. I got by. I lived. I didn't have any slip ups, everything was fine but as the time wore on I couldn't help but think that something was missing. Was this it? Was this how things were going to be for the rest of eternity? Eternity was going to be awfully lonely.

It was late one evening, or early one morning I'm not sure but it was some ungodly hour. I was awoken by one of my servants.

"M'Lady, there is a woman at the door requesting that she see you. I told her to come back at a more convenient hour but she was insistent. She seems most distressed."

Somewhat grudgingly, I got dressed and went downstairs with the full intention of telling this woman, in the politest most possible way, to leave me alone so I could sleep.

It was Rebecca.

"Jane." She said when she saw me, "You haven't changed." Unfortunately I couldn't say the same for her. It was like the past three years had aged her by about twenty. Her face was lined and tired, she had heavy purple bags under her eyes and her hair was almost entirely grey, not just the few silver streaks that she had had before. She was shaking, kept glancing over her shoulder and looking nervously around the room. The last time she was here she had been a prisoner. I asked her why she was here.

"I'm, sorry, I know you probably don't want to see me and I really don't want to be here but I need help and you're the only person I can turn to."

"Of course I'll help." I said "What is it? Money or-"

"I need you to come with me."

And of course I did. I did regret how I left her and Em and David. I should have done it differently, perhaps I shouldn't have left at all. What if Rebecca's distress was a result of my leaving? And after everything that they had done for me I had caused that? If that was the case then I owed her my help, whatever it took.

I didn't know what was going on, I asked her but she just shook her head, it was like she couldn't voice it. She was so distressed. When we got to the inn I could see that it had suffered just as much as Rebecca in the last three years. It looked run down, dusty, uncared for. A far cry from the cosy family home that I had known it to be. She showed me into the back, to the room she shared with her husband. And then I could see what had happened.

David was lying propped up in the bed, covered in thread bare blankets. His breathing was ragged and pained, his skin had a sickeningly green tinge to it and his heartbeat was fading. He wouldn't last till morning. It was horrible seeing him like that. David had been the strongest and kindest man I knew. Why do the worst things always happen to the best people? I knew I had said I would help but I had no idea what I could do to make _this_ better.

Em was at her father's bedside, holding his hand, moping his sweat covered brow. She looked up at me when I entered the room. Her hair was longer, her figure had filled out a little, she was growing up. but those weren't the only changes. Her eyes were different, sadder, she was no longer the picture of playful innocence that she had once been. She looked from me to her mother, questioningly.

"Em, you remember Jane, don't you?" Said Rebecca, walking up to the bed side and taking her husband's other hand. Em nodded. "Well, I have some very good news. Jane said she's going to help us, she's going to make your daddy better."

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**Hope you enjoyed, thank you for reading. Reviews _very_ welcome :) x**


	6. Family

**Many, many apologies! 1000 tulips, party rings and a bottle of prosecco being sent your way! I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner.**

**Huge thank you to MissPinderx, Brookesey, camillavirgil, Funsoup and Saemay for the reviews.**

**Thanks to any one who has added me as their story/author alert/favourite**

**I do not own being human.**

**Lots of surprises in this chapter, I hope you enjoy x**

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**Part 6: Family**

I looked from Rebecca to Em then back again, completely bewildered.

"Look, Rebecca, I know I said I would help but I really don't think there is anything that I can do to make this better."

"But there is." She said, with a look of complete desperation. "You see, I've been doing some research and - and you can cure him, you can stop him from dying-"

"Rebecca..." I interrupted, hoping she didn't mean what I thought she did.

"- You can make him like you." She finished. My heart sank, she wanted me to recruit him. I looked over at Em who was sitting at her father's side watching our conversation. There was a faint glimmer of hope in her eyes. What I was going to say next would break her heart, but I had to say it.

"I can't do that." I said quietly.

"Yes, you can." Said Rebecca, letting go of her husband's hand and walking towards me. "All you have to do is let him drink fro-"

"I know _how_ to do it but I'm not going to." I said, without meeting her eyes.

"But - but you said you would help." She said, and I could see tears beginning to appear in the corners of her eyes.

"I ment, money for medicine or something not _this_! It wouldn't be helping him."

"How can you say that? You would be saving his life!"

"No. I would be killing him and when he came back, he might not be him anymore."

"Might? So there is a possibility that-"

"He'd be a vampire Rebecca. You do remember what one of those is, right?" She blinked. She hadn't forgotten, she had been held prisoner by them before.

"But _you're_ alright!" She pleaded. "We helped _you_, we can do the same for him! I have it planned, we can put him in one of the rooms and shut the door and leave him there until he's safe."

I shook my head. "I can't imagine he would want me to do it."

"You don't know him like I do!" Rebecca was shouting now, there was so much desperation in her voice that made saying 'no' to her one of the most difficult things in the world. Em, who was watching the argument as if it were a tennis match, broke into quiet sobs. I needed them to understand why I couldn't do it.

"You think that immortality is this amazing gift but it's not. It's lonely and cruel and every second is a struggle. You think that you just lock someone up for a year and all of a sudden they just magically don't crave blood anymore? It doesn't work like that. Every servant at my house has to wear a crucifix around their neck to stop me from biting them. And even if, by some miracle, you do manage to keep David clean, what happens fifty years down the line? He will watch you and Em grow old and die and eventually he will give in. I have vowed to never ever drag anyone into this hell that I am living in. Believe me when I say that if I did, he wouldn't thank me." I turned to leave but before I got there Rebecca was before me, on her knees, her eyes pleading.

"Jane, please, I'm begging you, I can't live without him." She sobbed.

"I'm sorry, I really am, but there's nothing I can do for him. I shouldn't have come."

* * *

I went back to the inn a few days later, I needed to know if they were alright. I hadn't changed my mind, I knew that I had done the right thing but I was worried, the look on Rebecca's face when I had walked out, taking with me the only chance she had at keeping her husband, I didn't know how she would cope once he died.

When I got to the inn the doors were all locked up. I knocked a few times, even shouted out to them but there was no answer.

I came back once every few days but was always greeted with the same response: silence. I started getting even more worried, I even tried to break in once but only ended up burning myself. It went on for just over a month until one day everything had changed.

I made my usual journey to the inn only to find that there was a new sign above the door, the windows were being cleaned and the walls repainted. I didn't understand. I asked one of the builders what had happened and he said that the inn was under new management, that the previous owners had died.

It was like someone had kicked me in the gut. David, Rebecca and Em, the family that had helped me so much were all dead? I couldn't process it, it couldn't be possible. But the builder said that the bodies were pulled out a week prior, in a terrible state apparently. I couldn't stay there, I couldn't listen to anymore. I felt sick. It was my fault, all my fault. From what I had heard, it sounded like Rebecca had been telling the truth, she really couldn't live without her husband, and she had taken Em with her. Sweet little Em with her big blue eyes and golden ringlets. Em who had made me little bunches of flowers and drawn me pictures and made me smile when I was at my lowest. She was gone and I could have stopped it.

It was too much, I couldn't cope. I needed something to make it stop, to just forget, to loose myself. The millions of heartbeats, all over the city that I had been blocking out for so long all seemed to throb as one. It was overwhelming. I stumbled into a side alley, my legs unable to keep me upright any more. I was immediately set upon by a little gang of street urchins. Beggars and pick pockets with tiny little heartbeats all pounding in my ears, a red haze, clouding my vision. No, I couldn't, not children. I took out my purse and threw it as far away from myself as possible. They all scurried after it like birds flock when you throw breadcrumbs. All except one.

She stared at me for a while with big blue eyes that looked even bigger now that the rest of her face had grown thin with malnourishment, her hair was now dark and lank, filled with grease and grime and you couldn't see her freckles under all that dirt but it was her, it was Em, she was alive.

She held out her hand to help me up and I took it, never taking my eyes away from the miracle in front of me. Somehow the overwhelming blood lust that I had felt earlier had fled to the back of my mind, almost forgotten. There was something different about Em. She had grown up a lot and there was more grief and sadness in her eyes than ever but there was something else, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. There were so many questions that I wanted to ask her about what had happened but it was not the time for talking. She looked lost, like a sheep who had become separated from its flock. She needed a home, so that is what I gave her.

It took her a little while to get used to her new home and to trust me enough to talk but eventually, several hot meals, warm baths and a change of clothes later, I found out what had happened.

Not an hour after I left that night, David had died. Rebecca had cried almost hysterically and then started talking to what appeared to be an invisible person. Em had thought her mother had gone mad. I didn't tell her that it was probably David's ghost that Rebecca was talking to just as he passed over, I thought it would only hurt Em more to think that her father had been there but she couldn't see him. After that apparently Rebecca completely lost control, she started drinking, dangerous amounts, she locked all the doors, they didn't go out, she didn't even call someone to take away David's body. Em had tried to comfort her mother but nothing worked then, one morning she came down the stairs to find Rebecca lying next to David. Dead.

It must have been awful for her. She said that she couldn't stay there anymore, she had to get away and that's when she ended up on the streets.

There was something she wasn't telling me though, something she kept secret until the very last moment that she could. I don't know why she kept it to herself for that long, perhaps she didn't want to admit to it, thought that maybe it wasn't true, was scared that maybe I wouldn't let her stay anymore if I found out. But, inevitably, one evening she just started screaming. It didn't take a genius to work out what was happening, I had seen it happen so many times before, it was a full moon, Em was a werewolf.

I managed to get her down into the cellar before she changed completely, and into the werewolf cell. I stayed outside the room until morning.

Apparently last full moon Rebecca had been to busy drinking and grieving to remember that she was about to turn into something big and hairy. It was left down to Em to maneuver her mother to some place safe and in the process, she was infected.

In the space of a month Em had been scratched, orphaned and made homeless and all of it was mainly my fault. But, and I know this sounds terrible, I'm glad it happened because it had given me something I thought I would never have. It had given me someone who's hair I could plait, who I could read bed time stories to and teach to ride a horse. Someone who I could do needlework with and spoil rotten with expensive dresses and toys. Someone whom I could talk to, be myself with, someone I could get close to without the fear of killing her. I had a daughter. I had a family.

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**Thanks for reading, reviews_ very_ welcome x**


	7. Whispers

***Sneaks into FanFic***

***Posts chapter***

***Sees torches, pitchforks and sharpened stakes***

***Runs away***

**I'm sorry!**

* * *

**Part 7: Whispers**

Em grew up too fast. It was like I blinked and before I knew it she was seventeen, the same age as I was when I died. That sweet little girl had grown into a young woman. She didn't need me to be her mother anymore, she treated me more like a friend, a sister, it was sad but I suppose, when you live forever you quickly learn that all things come to an end sooner or later.

I wasn't going to arrange Em a marriage, I could only see it ending up like mine and then there was the matter of her condition. But I don't think she was ready to get married yet anyway, which was good, I could keep her for a little longer.

Every Tuesday morning we would dress down a little and Em and I would go to the market. I didn't really want to do it, there humans everywhere, ones without crucifixes around their necks, and the job was completely beneath me, a servants chore however it was something that Rebecca had always done with Em before she died. It brought her comfort so at the same time, every Tuesday, that was what we did. And it was on one of these outings that I heard it. A whisper. I don't know where it came from, it could have been any passer by in the street talking to someone else. Just a whisper. A whisper of a name that I hadn't heard in a very long time.

I must have been oddly quiet on the way home because Em asked me if I was alright. I smiled, told her I was fine. I wasn't.

"Mr Snow." The whisper had said. "Mr Snow is on his way." And just the name had made my blood run cold.

I met him once. My husband had been called to go to Milan for some sort of Old Ones gathering and He didn't trust me to be left on my own in London so I went with Him. Before that trip I had always thought that there couldn't possibly be another creature on this earth as cruel as my husband. But I was wrong. They were all like it, every last one of the Old Ones. You could see every second of the history that they carried in the depths of their eyes, every single drop of blood. And _then_ there was Mr Snow.

My husband knelt to him. _Knelt_. He didn't _kneel_ to anyone. That's when I knew that Mr Snow as different. When we were introduced he was so gentlemanly. He said it was a pleasure to make my acquaintance and he took one of my hands in his and kissed the back of it. I remember like it was yesterday. I wanted to shudder, to get as far away from him as possible, I could see his filthy fingernails and his pale, papery skin and his teeth. It was like he was rotting right before my very eyes. I was repulsed but at the same time, somehow I wanted nothing more than to be in his presence, nothing more than to look into his eyes. And when I did, I just couldn't look away.

And Mr Snow was on his way to London. Somehow everything else just went out the window, all my rules about staying away from other vampires, staying clean, living, they seemed insignificant. Because Mr Snow was coming to London and that changed everything.

* * *

That night, after Em went to bed, I snuck out. I needed to find out more, needed to know whether or not it was true and night time was when my kind came out to play. I wandered the back alleys and side streets, just looking, listening, I wasn't sure what for but I knew I would know it when I found it. And I did. At first it was tiny, just the slightest tang hitting my nostrils, something I hadn't smelt in a long time. It got stronger as I moved closer and I realised that I was running. It took all the effort I possessed to stop. This was not about the blood, it was more important than the blood. I closed my eyes and I listened.

I could hear voices, about twenty feet away from me round a corner, no heartbeats though, they were vampires.

"We won't be open tomorrow." One of them said, he sounded like an old man, "Sir 'enry's having a very important meeting in 'ere so no punters allowed I'm afraid."

"D'you know what it's about Tom?" Asked the other vampire.

"Special visitors on their way, aint they?" Said Tom "I'll, see you Monday?"

"See you Monday."

Then I heard footsteps walking away in one direction and the sound of a door being locked in the other. I decided to brave it and looked round the corner towards where I had heard the door being shut. It was a tavern. There was a sign above the door._ "The Blood Barrel"_ it said, complete with a crudely painted picture of a girl sat in a man-sized beer barrel. I had to laugh, subtlety was never one of Hal's strong suits.

* * *

The next day I told Em that I was going for a walk in the grounds. I shouldn't have lied to her really but I knew that she wouldn't be happy if she knew that I had every intention of talking to vampires that day. After everything that her family did for me, me falling off the wagon really would break her heart.

When I got to _The Blood Barrel _it was all locked up, windows boarded too, so I hid and waited for everyone to show up. I can remember thinking, at that moment "Why am I doing this?" I had my _life_, I had my house, my money, I even had a sort-of daughter, why was I putting all that in jeopardy? I still don't think I can comprehend why I went there, the only possible explanation is that the thought, the idea that Mr Snow was coming to London drew me in like a moth to a flame.

The vampires arrived in dribs and drabs, Hal was one of the last. He was with his recruit, I can never remember his name, and a girl who appeared to be dressed in nothing but torn undergarments. She was very pretty. I figured she was a ghost, no one would walk around like that unless they had to and she reminded me of the state I was in after a certain afternoon in the shade of a willow tree.

After everyone was inside I tried to follow but I only ended up burning my fingers. No invitation. I wasn't welcome. So I found myself in a very awkward position standing in an alley on top of some wooden crates, trying to listen at the window to no avail. I heard a few words: "dogs" and "ship" but that was it. I was just about to give up when I spotted Hal's little half naked ghost girl standing outside the tavern door looking up at the sign.

"What are they talking about in there?" I asked. She spun around, I must have startled her.

"You can see me?" She asked. I nodded, I think she must have been reasonably new to this world. I waited for her to reply to my question.

"I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention, politics isn't my thing." I laughed, I liked this ghost, she seemed relatively upbeat, despite her condition, she must have been annoying the hell out of Hal.

"No, it wasn't mine either, but it's good to have some idea about what's going on. Especially now, I've been hearing whispers." I hinted. I wondered if she knew anything, perhaps if I could just get her to trust me...

"Are you a vampire?" She asked, frowning.

"Yes" I replied.

"Then, why don't you just go in there and find out?"

I smiled. "I'm not welcome in there anymore." It was strange, all these years I had been staying away from vampire society but now I was so close to it I realised that I kind of missed it, missed not having to hide who you were around people, missed being around people who understood you.

"Why not?" asked the ghost, she asked a lot of questions.

"Lots of reasons," I sighed "mainly because I'm dry now and… other things…" I could tell she was about to ask me more questions so I stopped her with one of my own. "Who killed you then? I bet it was Hal, you look like his type." At that moment, the door of the tavern opened. I looked over the ghost's shoulder straight into the hazel gaze of Sir Henry Yorke. "Speak of the devil."

Hal looked… well if I'm honest he looked amazing. Power suited him. I thought he had been well dressed before but now he looked almost like royalty. He was better groomed, his hair a little shorter and he stood more upright, with this air of malevolence about him that made it so easy for me to imagine being terrified of him. I wasn't though. Because when his eyes met mine, beneath his new mask of power, I could see just a spark of apprehension, of unease, nervousness even. Of fear. Even after all these years.

"Jane, what are you doing here?" said Hal, he didn't wait for me to reply. "You have to leave now, or I'll tell the others that you're out here and you know they won't be happy." I didn't say anything, just maintained eye contact. I never tired of seeing Hal scared of me. "Leave." He said, trying to sound threatening but I could see through him. I smiled.

I left, not because he told me to but because there was no way I was going to find out anything more once Hal knew I was there. It hadn't been a wasted journey though, not really, I hadn't learnt anything but it was worth it just to see the look on Hal's face when he saw me. I would just have to find out about Mr Snow's impending arrival another way.

* * *

Em and I were reading in the library when I saw Hal next. He burst into the room without even waiting for my doorman to introduce him. He strode straight towards me, knocking over a chair in his haste. When he was three feet away from me I caught a whiff of the near overwhelming fumes of alcohol and something stronger that were radiating off him.

"I want to know what the fuck you think you're playing at." He spat, his face mere inches away from mine.

"Hal, I don't appreciate you coming here drunk, particularly when I made it perfectly clear last time that I don't want you coming here at all anymore." I said, keeping my voice calm.

"Well, that's what I thought but I assumed the deal was off since you started lurking outside top secret vampire meetings." He responded.

"You did _what_?" Em spoke for the first time, looking at me in disbelief. Hal looked from her back to me.

"Who's the dog?" He said with a smirk.

"I beg your pardo-" started Em, angrily but I stopped her.

"Em, I think it would be a good idea if you went upstairs for a while." I didn't like the way he was looking at her, like the way you would study a horse or cattle before you bought it.

"I'm not going anywhere!" Em practically shouted. "I want to hear all about these secret vampire meetings you've been a part of!"

"It was one meeting" I said exasperatedly, "and I haven't been a part of anything, I just happened to be outside."

"Asking Isabella what the meeting was about." Interjected Hal. I jumped on the opportunity to steer the direction of the conversation away from me.

"Oh, it's Isabella, is it? Hal, I'm shocked, you never struck me as the sort to grow attached to your food."

"Don't change the subject." He snapped, and I could see I'd hit a nerve. "I want to know why you were at that meeting and how you found out about it." He stepped right into my personal space and I could once more smell the strong fumes wafting from him. I blinked. Hal was drunk. Very drunk. Perhaps even drunk enough to let something slip.

"I've just been hearing things," I said. "Whispers. He's on his way isn't he?"

"What? Who? Who's on their way?" Asked Em but neither Hal nor I responded to her.

"So what if he is? It's none of your business." Said Hal through gritted teeth.

I smiled. "Well, I just want to make sure you know what you've gotten yourself into. I've met Mr Snow and the Old Ones and believe me when I say that-"

"I can handle it." He said.

"I'm sure you can." I didn't think it was possible for him to look any angrier than he already did but as soon as I said those words he looked positively fuming.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He was looking at me now with narrowed eyes, full of suspicion. "You're plotting something aren't you? You want me to fail and then you can swoop in and-" And finally I understood what he was talking about.

"Jesus! How paranoid can you get? Hal, we've had this conversation before, I am not interested in stealing your job!" I snorted derisively. He didn't listen. He moved so that he was once again inches from my face.

"I am not going to let you ruin this for me." He whispered.

"Fine!" I shouted, fed up of his ridiculous suspicions. "I don't care, do whatever you like. But first I suggest you go home to your ghost and sleep off whatever it is you've been drinking." He stared at me for a moment before stepping away.

"This is not over." He said before leaving.

"Would you mind telling me what on earth that was about?" Exclaimed Em. I looked round at her, startled. I had quite forgotten she was there.

"Oh, that was just Hal being a fool, as usual. He thinks I'm after his position. Can you think of anything more ludicrous? As if I would want to rule London."

"I ment about you," she said, "going to going to vampire meetings."

"Oh, that." I said. I had really hoped she would never find out but, since she had, I supposed I deserved her some explanation. "When we were at the market the other day, I heard some rumors and I just needed to know whether they were true or not."

"Why? I don't understand why you need to involve yourself!" She was shouting now. I was taken aback, I had never seen her like this before.

"Em," I started, keeping my voice calm, "the Old Ones are-"

"No! That_ Hal_, was right, it's none of your business. It's not your problem, it's his. And he will do whatever it is he needs to do and you don't have to be a part of it at all!" I opened my mouth to argue but Em continued. "After everything my parents did for you to get you out of that world, to save you, I cannot believe you're trying to spoil it!"

There were tears in her eyes as she grabbed her book and rushed past me out of the room.

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**So, some crossing over with Haunting Hal there. Here's a link to the chapter if you want to compare: s/8040233/5/Haunting-Hal**

**I don't think I deserve any reviews after taking so long to update but, if you can find it in the kindness of your heart to leave me one then they are of course, _very_ welcome :) x**


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